The Old Elite made money, made movies and got elected to public office. Those days are over. Young people entering into life might not understand that the paradigm has shifted, and that those seeking social status no longer go by this outdated model. The New Elite is a group of youngish people that doesn’t actually produce anything, but is highly visible in liberal online magazines and low-rated cable news shows. This guide will help those seeking to join this exciting new club.
Where to go to school
Ideally, Harvard. An undergraduate degree from Harvard is a license to expound upon subjects that one doesn’t understand. Normally that right is reserved for Ph.Ds.
Unfortunately, not everyone’s father is a professor at Harvard, so most people will have to take the second route. If Harvard is out of the question, find an expensive private school on the East Coast, preferably in New England. Since there are about 500 of these in the Boston metro area alone, it shouldn’t be hard to find one that will accept you, provided you can take out a large enough loan. (Don’t worry about paying it back. That’s for the little people.)
Your major doesn’t matter, but be sure to minor in something with the word “Studies” in it. You don’t need to be a particularly good student, but take notes every time your professors mention Karl Marx, George W. Bush, colonialism, white privilege, heteronormativity, and other related topics. This will be important later.
A word of caution: It might be tempting to work hard in high school in order to be admitted into a prestigious public school such as UC Berkeley or UT Austin. This is a mistake on two levels. First, the stench of the commoner will never wear off. Second, this is about joining the New Elite, not about doing anything important. Hard work is a waste of time.
Next up: I graduated; where should I live?